if you like me you must not know who I am
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
