i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
