Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
