because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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