I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
