I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
