I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
