dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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