Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
