dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
