I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize