Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
