she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
