ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Randomize
