Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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