My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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