Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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