This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize