Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
