dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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