I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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