ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Houston, we have a squirter
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
