I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
