battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
