Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
