i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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