this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
