i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
