He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
