It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
