Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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