I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
