just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
