i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
