Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
