hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
