He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
