Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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