When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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