Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
