Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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