so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
