just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
