just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
