I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
