chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
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