It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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