The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
