Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
