I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
