My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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