Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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