Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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