So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Rumble strips road head = magical
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This can only be settled by a dance off.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
