i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
