So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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