His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
