Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
