I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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