I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
