You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
