Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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