so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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