i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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