WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
