My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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