that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
