im having a threesome with these popsicles
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
