he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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