and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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