I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she peed on how many people?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
