You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
