Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
