the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
