You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
