I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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