you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Houston, we have a blender
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize