the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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