i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
