Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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