oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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