God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
