maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
