You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
