I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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